i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Couch. On fire.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
