i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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