He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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