Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
