We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
