I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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