I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
