woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
