It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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