I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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