Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Too much gin, very little bucket
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
