I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
