Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
