what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I am full of burrito and curiosity
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
