remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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