I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
