Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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