hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
