you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
