I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
