First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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