So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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