and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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