I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
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