you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
