I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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