Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
