Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
