Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
