Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
