Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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