i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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