I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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