Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
