if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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