It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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