i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
