If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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