is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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