I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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