If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
