You really coming over, don't trick.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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