Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
