Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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