That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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