If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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