nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
