That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
