It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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