Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
